


Hunt and Kill Master of the Boot

by Master_of_the_Boot1



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: April Fools' Day, CS188, Christopher Lee - Freeform, joke story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 22:55:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14175147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_of_the_Boot1/pseuds/Master_of_the_Boot1
Summary: This Easter I was graphically murdered by my favorite characters. Enjoy this for both Easter and April Fool's day.





	Hunt and Kill Master of the Boot

**Author's Note:**

> Story rated for murder and mutilation of a man's genitals. Viewer Perversion is advised.

They called him by his internet handle, Master of the Boot. One day he needed a name for Halo 2 House Parties and he saw his father's work boots. Thus he became the Master of the Boot and today was the day he was going to die.   
  
Generally he was considered an asshole by all. He played loud music at all hours, he took steroids to try and beef up and he also at one point fucked his cat. So he was a real nasty piece of work that needed to die.   
  
For that end, Pearl from Steven Universe, Christopher Lee back from the dead and YouTube Poop legend CS188 had gathered. Pearl pulled a chainsaw out of her gem and looked over the rest of the crew. "Is everyone ready? If anyone has to go to the bathroom now, do it. I don't want anyone walking around doing the pee-pee dance while I'm committing what is definitely first degree murder."

  
"I took care of that at home," rumbled Christopher Lee in his rumbling baritone voice. The old actor and former Nazi killer swung a heavy antique rapier to get warmed up. "I'm not as spry as I used to be but give me a moment and I'll reliable sever tendons and cut the major arteries." 

Carl, better known by his Youtube handle of CS188 waved to his fellow murderers. "Hey guy! CS188 here and I've brought my wife's sewing kit!"

Pearl looked at CS188, utterly baffled. "Does the sewing kit contain explosives or bladed weapons?"   
  
"A sewing kit," groused Christopher Lee, not looking the slightest bit impressed.   
  
CS188 shook his head, "No guy, but I thought I could push sewing needles through this guy's dick. So are we ready to go? I got free sandwich cards from Subway for when we're done."   
  
Pearl nodded and revved up her chainsaw. "Okay people, let's dance!"   
  
With that, the tall, female alien kicked down the front door to reveal Master of the Boot masturbating to pony porn.   
  
"What the fuck?" demanded Boot, with his dick hanging out and his security guard shirt stained by mustard. He snarled an ugly snarl and yellow snarl as he went for the gun in the night stand. As his tiny acorn winky wobbled and wiggled, he cocked the revolver in his wife's panty drawer and opened fire.   
  
Pearl held up her chainsaw and used the wide, heavy blade to block the bullets. Christopher Lee jumped like a man many times his youth and rolled behind a pile of dirty laundry for cover. CS188 piss his pants and threw himself to the floor.   
  
As Boot fired his revolver, the cat ran across the living room and went up behind its owner. As the overweight, one eyed alley cat tripped up its owner, the team struck. Pearl jumped forward with her chainsaw and while she missed Master of the Boot she did end up destroying his TV with her chainsaw; so that was a plus. Christopher peeked up from the huge pile of dirty, smegma smelling laundry and tosses a throwing dagger that struck Boot in the thigh.   
  
The degenerate security guard cried out and fell backwards, firing a shot into the ceiling and accidentally shooting the real live pony he kept in the attic to screw. As he fell back on his ass, CS188 lunged forward with his wife's sewing kit and pulled out the biggest sewing needle he could find. With a big, goofy grin, CS188 drove the needle through Master of the Boot's left testicle.   
  
Boot screamed a high F and tried to shoot the YouTuber, only to realize his gun was out of ammo. CS188 then shoved a needle through Boot's other testicle and the last one through his one inch long weenie.   
  
As Boot was incapacitated with having pins and needles in his manhood and two boys, Pearl lunged at him with her chainsaw. This time her blade struck true and with a huge spray of blood, cut off Master of the Boot's head. The head rolled on the ground where not long after lying still, the cat lifted up her ass in order to drop a steaming loaf in his mouth. It was a truly, beautiful, almost religious sight.   
  
The three heroes, looked to one another, scared and high on adrenaline but feeling very happy.   
  
"So, sandwiches?" said CS188.   
  
"My denture glue is solid," said Christopher Lee.   
  
"Only if it's a salty sandwich," said Pearl.   
  
And next door, Batman snapped and started killing the entire neighborhood with guns.   
  
And they all lived happily ever after.   
  
Happy Easter, mother fuckers  

 


End file.
